I met Sevi in a Berlin club as a friend of friends. She was actually still living in the west of Germany at that time. Now she lives in Malaga and I was surprised to meet her again. She has pulled up stakes in Germany and moved there a week ago to “finally live her real life”. She doesn’t know exactly what that looks like yet. But she can feel that she’s in the right place for now.
I admire her courage to live her truth. Her motto is: Feel the fear and do it anyways.
You said about your life change that “you can no longer lie to yourself”. What exactly did you mean by that?
Lying to myself has haunted me for as long as I can remember. I keep coming to the realization that I’m on a path that doesn’t resonate with my nature. Then I change the path, but it still happens again.
You saw that more deeply at a ceremony, right?
Yes.
How can I imagine that?
The ayahuasca ceremony was 4 months ago near Malaga. I went there without any expectations. During the ceremony, I realized that I was living in a place that I no longer felt connected to. That didn’t just mean Cologne, but the whole of Germany.
Before that, I had already moved forward in mini-steps. From the small village where I grew up, to a city to study, then to Cologne and now to Malaga. That was super difficult for me. At first I thought I wanted to go to Berlin. In reality, I didn’t want to give up the false sense of security in Germany. During the ceremony, I understood one thing: Don’t think about whether you can do it or not, just do it. And it feels right, without me knowing why.
“Don’t think about whether you can do it or not, just do it. “
What gave you security in Germany?
Not the family, they’re actually no longer in Germany. The country itself. I’ve always traveled a lot, but I’ve always returned. Until I realized that I was lying to myself. I saw that I had to go abroad – and finally wanted to jump over my shadow. I was always afraid of losing myself. And that’s something that needs to be cured.
What do you mean by that?
I don’t believe in myself enough and then I don’t do it. It’s a feeling of losing myself and falling apart. I look for stability and security on the outside. I have totally attached this security to Germany.
With the ceremony came the feeling that I have this power inside me. Finally do what makes you happy!
For a long time, I didn’t even know what made me happy. But I’ve always loved traveling. Preferably to exotic places where people are more into being, e.g. Colombia, Mexico, southern Spain.
“The greater the fear, the greater the growth.”
Do you have any idea what it will be like here? You broke everything off and left everything behind.
Not at all. My biggest fear is letting go of everything. But this calling is so strong and and I just couldn’t go on living like that. The letting go process is what brings me into growth. The greater the fear, the greater the growth. Life has brought me to a point where I couldn’t do anything else.
What needs to be healed?
Simply more confidence in the unknown and in myself, in my inner stability. That I am worth it. I often talk down my visions because I think: “You can’t do that.” But I’m only limiting myself. I lie to myself because I don’t feel I’m worth it. And that’s where I want to be: worth it.
Everything I do on the outside is contrary to my family and my environment – and that always made me feel like I was wrong. My family is very conservative and Islamic-religious. That is a tough imprint. Now I’m learning that it’s right when it feels right. I don’t have to understand it! I always want to understand it mentally, but sometimes that’s not possible and it doesn’t have to be. Just trust the feeling that it’s right.
How did you come to this realization?
If I don’t recognize it myself, then life pushes me until I do.
What happens then?
For example, I had my last relationship almost 4 years ago. I thought he was the man for life. He wasn’t Turkish. That was a step forward for me. But I still felt the need to get married. That’s not really my nature. This man did everything for me and was also prepared to meet my family. That meeting was the end. I would have gone full steam ahead in that direction and married him. But life made sure that things turned out differently.
Through such experiences, we learn to find in ourselves what we previously sought in partners and also got from them.
How does it feel to be here at the beginning of a new life?
I’m slowly getting the feeling that I know why I’m here.
“Something is emerging that is obviously meant to emerge.”
How does this feeling arise?
Through apparent coincidences, for example.
My passion is astrology. That didn’t catch on in Germany. But I want to live and share this passion. Yesterday I was at the beach with a friend and we happened to meet two friends of his there. They are currently working on a project to live more in the cycle of nature and the cosmos. We don’t do that with our calendar. I thought, “Wow. That’s exactly how I feel!”
Then they asked me about my passion.
I answered, “Astrology.”
It turned out that they were looking for exactly that, astrology, for their project.
Interestingly, they also felt a calling to move to Malaga. And now there are all these people here who all have a gift and it all comes together. Something is about to be created that is obviously meant to be created.
What does the future look like, will you stay in Malaga? Or will you move on at some point of time?
I feel that I have a calling here. I would much rather go to South America, but it was very clear in the ceremony that I have to go to Malaga. Malaga is important for my next step. I can still go somewhere else later.
How do you finance your life now?
I live from savings and I have enrolled for a Master’s degree and receive student loans.
Fun Fact: And she’s building up her astrology business. Same day she published her first post, I published the first interview on this blog
